by Daniel Webber
When I was only two years old, my mother noticed that something didn’t seem right. I wasn’t picking up on verbal communication as quickly as other infants my age. After meeting with different psychologists and play therapists-one of which I still remember a bit to this day-a conclusion was formed; I had Asperger’s Syndrome, a high-functioning form of Autism. In addition, I also developed a stutter overtime, which I still have to this day. The diagnosis was just the beginning…
When I was in preschool, and throughout kindergarten, I suffered separation anxiety from my mother; This meant that I hated to be separated from her at that age. This would often lead to tantrums, intense sobbing, and even outbursts of mischief (i.e., kicking). Luckily, this began to wear off after in later years. But even there, I found it painstakingly hard to enjoy school all that much until the fifth or sixth grade. Until a certain age, my favorite subjects were lunch, recess, and parent pick-up.
From the first grade until sophomore year of high school, I had an instructional assistant (AKA an aide) with me almost everywhere I went, and also worked with at least a few teachers in the special education department sometimes. If there was one thing that all of these teachers and assistants had in common, it was that they all had good intentions. On the other hand, they were all different in their own way. Some of them were really fantastic to work with, and showcased a great personality, sense of humor, and heart of gold; others, however, came across as strict, annoying, temperamental, etc., which I’ve always found hard to deal with. In terms of the latter, those kinds of teachers would already stress me out with their tone of voice, criticisms, or use of vocabulary, but some would even write me off as limited, or would even accuse me of not having certain skills that I probably did possess (i.e., observation). I would even fear that they would potentially embarrass me in front of those who would have judged me. The worst part about this was that they would often base their assumptions off of certain factorsthey knew about ASD disorders.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the problem. As I just mentioned, when people think of the word autism, the sometimes think of words and terms such as math wiz, the quiet type, neurotic, loner, crazy, dumb, nonverbal, or deficient in many areas, just to name a few. Some even go as far as to use the r-word to describe somebody on the autism spectrum. This is all so unfair, sad, and completely stereotypical. I, along with many others, like to refer to this as the practice of putting people in a box for their label. This is when people categorize or generalize others based on what others have told them, what movies or TV shows they’ve seen, what books they’ve read, etc. This doesn’t just happen to those on the autism spectrum, but also to people of all disabilities, as well as people of different races, religions, genders, backgrounds, sexual orientations, etc. This never solves anything-it only makes the issues at hand even worse than they already are.
Some examples of the stereotype for Autism include the TV series, The Big Bang Theory, the book and stage play known as The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, and the movie, Rain Man.
In The Big Bang Theory, the main character, Sheldon Cooper, absolutely adores science, physics, math, superheroes, and certain movie franchises. He also tends to act annoyingly towards others by blabbing on about his own favorite topics, playing bongos while people are sleeping, and infamously knocking on people’s doors using a specific combination: He knocks three times, and then calls the name of the person he hopes will open the door.
In The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, the protagonist, Christopher John Francis Boone, overreacts when frightened, can’t stop disobeying an instruction his own father gives, sometimes wets himself, and has panics when people touch him in almost any way.
Finally, in the movie, Rain Man, Dustin Hoffman’s character, Raymond Babbit, possesses a few stereotypical autistic savant qualities. Despite being a proficient driver, he acts and speaks before thinking, won’t change topics, and sometimes responds somewhat inappropriately when talked to. These examples show how obvious it is that the media hasn’t always portrayed Autism is the most understanding light.
However, despite these bad examples, there are also at least a couple of good examples I know of. One of these is the character of Oskar in Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. Oskar is a nine-year-old boy on the spectrum who possesses very high intelligence for his is age, as well as a strong sense of adventure and curiosity. On the other hand, though, he also has a large number of fears, especially after a horrific tragedy occurs in his life. I can relate to Oskar, because I was just as adventurous and curious when I was his age.
I also recently watched the first episode of a Netflix series, titled Atypical, which revolves around the life of Sam Gardner, a high school senior on the spectrum. Sam wants to dive into the realms of dating and independence, but doesn’t have all of the necessary skills to navigate either of them. Although he noticeably possesses some stereotypical qualities of those with Asperger’s, deep down, he has desires just like anyone. Now that I’ve covered both good and bad examples, I want you all to prepare for something even more cringeworthy than just seeing ASD’s being stereotyped in popular culture.
When thinking about autism, the only way people can react worse than to categorize people with the condition is to think of it as a legitimate DISEASE. There are literally-I kid you not-people, and even successful organizations, who think that autism has to be CURED. Some of these organizations are even infamous for producing ads and commercials that portray the condition to be as insidious as cancer. Autism can’t naturally kill somebody like a fatal disease can, nor can it be contagious or curable. Is it really that hard to get the picture?
If you knew me, you’d understand how I feel. Although I’ve never really been bullied, I feel for those on the spectrum who have been. I’ve also sometimes been at war with myself, whether it be from screwing up, being rebuked, or even after a play or choir rehearsal where a director yells at everyone. These moments would constantly haunt me, and have sometimes even made me temporarily lose the will to live. This is all because I’m sensitive to harsh tones of voice. If I’m watching a scene in a movie where a character angrily yells, I don’t mind, because it isn’t the audience who’s being yelled at. In real life, however, it can be extremely daunting, frightening, or even dehumanizing for me. I’ve even been slightly traumatized by moments in certain reality shows that feature extremely harsh drill sergeants or prison guards. Being nagged also bothers me, because it can feel very grating and annoying to hear. Although I understand how there may be intention behind yelling or nagging, but it can feel irritating at best, and terrifyingly traumatic at worst.
Another thing I can sometimes be sensitive to is the tastes and textures of certain foods. When I was a kid, in addition to Asperger’s, I also had some oral problems. One of these was a stutter, and another was the tendency to have a gag reaction from eating certain foods, due to either their taste or their texture. This would keep me from eating green vegetables until some point in my teen years. In fact, when I was seven, I stumbled across an episode of Arthur, where (in D.W.’s imagination) the spinach at a restaurant turns people into brainwashed zombies, called “Spinach Heads”. Because of this, I would often associate spinach with some inhumane concoction that turns people into mindless drones. Nowadays, I’m currently enjoying eating spinach, whether it be in the form of raw leaves or cooked in a quiche with eggs, cheddar, and onions. A couple of the only foods that would make me gag today may include grapefruit and Vegemite/Marmite; trust me, I’ve tried both. Nonetheless, I care about eating healthy, even if I don’t want to sacrifice my own favorite foods.
Next, it gets on my nerves is when people try to shower me with cold, hard facts (i.e., “It’s a tough, cold world”, or “Life isn’t fair-suck it up and get over it”). Although, yes, I see why it’s necessary to prepare people for the real world, especially once they near adulthood, there is a visible line between preparing people with tools for the adult world and discouraging them. Not only can this be cynical when taken too far, but it can also crush dreams. As an aspiring creative/performing artist, I’ve been exposed to masterclasses that came with lectures on how to survive in the real world. None of them were horribly depressing, but at least a couple of them had their blunt moments. There have even been many an occasion where one of the Special Ed teachers at my high school would lecture me about life’s grittier, darker aspects. This would push my buttons, especially considering how skeptical I often felt when around the Special Ed teachers at my schools. Put simply, you can prepare a person to face the Candid Cameraelements of reality without shattering their self-esteem into a million pieces. To do this, you could just tell them.
I’ve also been pretty gullible, and prone to believing some things I shouldn’t. This has proved to be especially evident when I would come across quote on quote “Christian” websites, bloggers, and Facebook pages. These sources would use scare tactics to fool its audience into giving them everything in their wallets. They would do this by claiming that the end was near, that yoga was demonic, or that watching certain movies as a form of entertainment was a sin (ex. Harry Potter). Not to mention the infamous Four Blood Moonstheory by John Hagee, which turned out to be unsuccessful. Because of all this, there were times from when I was age 13-17 when I would worry that either the world was ending or that my best wasn’t enough for God. After I began studying at Gordon College, I’ve learned that it isn’t worth it to waste my own precious time and mental health over any of these “sources”.
As for my interests, I have plenty of them. I obviously love to both listen to and perform music. Some of my favorite genres to listen to include musical theatre, movie soundtracks, instrumental piano, classic rock, Christian/worship, choral, and classical. As for my voice training, I have a more classical background, but have also sung plenty of musical theatre even before then.
In terms of movies, I’ll usually see/watch the ones that are critically-acclaimed or award-winning. Some of my favorite kinds of movies include independent, musical, biopic, and animation. I also tend to follow a lot of coverage about the Oscars or the Tonys, two award shows that have been like national holidays for me ever since I was thirteen. It’s also obvious that I love Broadway musicals. Ever since my eighth grade year, it was a tradition for my family and I to see musicals in New York City. But if there was one show that got me big into Broadway, it was hands down Wicked. I first saw the touring production of it when I was nine, and have loved it ever since.
Another interest of mine is the Christian faith. I’ve tried as hard as I could to be a devout Christian ever since I was a sophomore in high school, even if I’ve often gotten certain things wrong, or relied on televangelists or websites for some information. As a student at a Christian liberal arts college, I’ve come across many different types of Christians; religious, not-so-religious, devout-but-open-minded, half-religious, you name it. Some have inspired me, while others have made me a bit uncomfortable with their words; They aren’t intentionally mean, but they tend to give voice to their more conservative, Old-Testament-style views. I’ve even exposed myself to an Oscar-nominated Documentary, known as Jesus Camp. This documentary showcases the way Evangelical churches indoctrinate and brainwash young children, while also showing why it’s wrong in a very even-handed way. After my first viewing, I didn’t know what to think about it. But as time went by, I would remember it as one of my favorite movies of all time.
Next, I like to at least get some form of exercise in, whether it be riding my bike or going to the gym. I like to bike around my neighborhood or around Gordon’s campus, and when at the gym, I like to listen to music while working out. My favorite way to exercise at the gym is to listen to music while working out.
Finally, there are my goals and ambitions for after I’ve finished my studies. First of all, there’s a very good chance I’ll want to attend graduate school after I graduate from Gordon. As for my careers, I’ll start out with an average job at any business, but I’d like to perform for opera choruses, theatre companies, restaurants, professional choirs, and even Disney theme parks. The latter is because I always get such a rush of joy from performing. I also want to compose choral music while I’m at it, and publish it to major choral companies, such as Walton Music. My ultimate goal for when I make enough money from all of this is to become a musical theatre writer, composer, and lyricist. I’m already working on writing a couple of musicals, and even a feature-length screenplay. I may not be majoring in screenwriting, cinema arts, or communications, but I recently learned that Oscar-winning composer Hans Zimmer never even went to college-he learned composition by doing; Although he did go to some kind of school is his teen years. Nonetheless, this just comes to show that you don’t need to be a scholar at what you do in order to achieve success. I, myself, get a small percent of my writing skills from watching critics on YouTube comment on the writing, story structure, and character development of other movies. Of course, I want to continue my studies in college and beyond, but I won’t be defined by my major.
Overall, although I’m on the Autism spectrum, I’m very similar to anyone else in my ambitions, dreams, and desires. I’ll also say, however, that I know that everybody is different and unique. In the words of Dr. Stephen Shore, “If you’ve met one person with Autism, you’ve met one person with Autism.” This means that everyone on the spectrum is different, regardless of what you’ve heard about or seen of them. Trying to make people “normal” solves nothing, and even causes problems to both escalate and multiply. Yes, I know I have flaws, but I’m not limited to my own label. Now, just to clear the air, I want to bring up a quote by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, a person I look up to very deeply. In her TED Talk, The Danger of a Single Story, she leaves the audience with a message, “When we reject the Single Story, we regain a kind of paradise.” The term, “Single Story” refers to the stereotyping of any demographic. My Single Story is having Asperger’s Syndrome. I want to change the world, and I know you can, too. Just because you may have a label, or are stereotyped in a certain way, doesn’t mean that you won’t achieve amazing things. You’re a masterpiece, destined to leave your mark on this world just as you are. As Deuteronomy 28:13 says, The LORD will make you the head, not the tail.Whether you’re Autistic or Neurotypical, regardless of your abilities, race, ethnicity, religious beliefs, age, sexual orientation, gender, you name it, you’re you. Now, go on out there and do what you do best! Chances are, you’ll inspire generations to do the same.
My name is Daniel Webber, and I'm a sophomore majoring in Music Performance here at Gordon. I aspire to inspire and touch people's lives with my talents, such as singing, composing, and writing.